Miss Teasiality
by Insane Lord Akuma
Summary: A redone version of the movie to add a bit more romantic tension between Matthews and Heart


Author's Notes: I was a little bored, and I thought I'd spice up the plot of the best movie ever made, "Miss Congeniality." There's lots of added scenes, changed dialogue, all done to make a lot more romantic/sexual tension occur between Heart and Matthews (I call them that cause that's how they refer to each other throughout most of the movie.) It starts in the training room right after Matthews decides Heart would be the perfect person to go undercover in the Pageant.  
  
Disclaimer(s): I do not own the charectors thus portrayed in this fanfic, I'm just borrowing them. I don't do windows. Most cranberry juices are only 10% juice. Planters nuts contains nuts, so if you're allergic, don't eat them, as they contain nuts. Japanese food processors are not to be used for the other use. Onto story ^_^.  
  
  
"No way in hell I'm going to do it, Matthews." Agent Heart stated, going back to slamming her fists into the punching dummy in front of her.  
"Come on Heart, you're the only one that can do this for us!" Dark-haired, ruggedly handsome agent Matthews pleaded.  
"Why should I? Because I'm the only one that looks good enough in a bikini to pass as a beauty pageant contestant?" Heart shot back at Matthews.  
"Nothing wrong with looking good in a bikini, and with a few butt shaping excersizes and a some work, you'll be pageant material in no time." Matthews pointed out while slapping Heart's butt.  
"Slap my ass again and you die, Matthews." threatened long, dark-haired Heart  
"Am I supposed to be scared, Heart?" Matthews mocked her.  
"Yes, you are." Heart said before grabbing Mathhew's shoulders, and thrusting her knee as hard as she could into his groin. Matthew's voice went up about three octaves at this action  
"DAMNIT HEART THAT HURT!" Matthews cried out in pain.  
"Next time, when a women with fists says no, it means no. Now come on, if you can beat me in basketball, I'll give doing the pageant a small remote thought. It won't be much thought though. The idea of going around saying my name is something like Gracy Lou Freebush and wanting only world peace doesn't impress me much" Hart complained, stealing a ball and letting something about PMS slip to the rest of the guys on the court, quickly causing it to clear. "Get your ass over here, Matthews."  
"You in a hurry to lose or somethin', Heart?" Matthews walked over to the court, his voice still high and he was limping from his rather untimely accident.  
"No, I just need an excuse to sucker myself into doing this." Heart muttered.  
"You mean, you'll do the job?" Matthews was shocked.  
"No, I haven't said I will yet. I said I'd think about it if you beat me. Now lets play." Heart said, dribbling off with the ball.   
Mattews was easilly a better ball player than Heart was, and would've beat her to ten if she wouldn't have pulled the sweat pants he was wearing down to the ground, along with the boxer shorts he had on underneath the pants.  
"Heart, what the hell is with this?" a rather shocked and perplexed Matthews asked.  
"Getting a free show, then I'm going to win this game." Heart said, slapping Matthew's bare ass, then grabbing the ball and quickly shot enough baskets for her to win. "Tough luck, Eric. Better luck next time. Oh, and by the way, nice orbs." Heart snort laughed on her way to the locker room to change.   
"Yea Yea." Matthews said in a not so happy tone, while he pulled his pants back up, then walked to the locker room to change.  
"Hey, here he is now, Stud-man!" another agent greeted Matthews as he walked into the locker room.  
"Can it, Bucko. I don't see Heart checking you out at all." Matthews shot back, opening up his locker.  
"Heart? The most masculine female in the bureau? Who'd want her to check them out. Maybe if she had a nicer personality to go with her beautiful body, then maybe, but the way she is now? Hell no." The other agent replied. "You're the only one that even really talks to Heart."  
"She's a good friend of mine, that just happens to have a body I wouldn't mind having in bed next to me at night. Doesn't mean I want to date her or anything." Matthews said, heading for the showers.  
"Good luck on getting Heart into bed, Matthews." The other agents all whooped and hollered at him on their way out of the locker room. After showering and changing, Matthews left the locker room and ran into Heart.  
"Heart, is there nothing I can do to change your mind?" Matthews was practically begging on his hands and knees.  
"Oh fine. I'll do it, but you are so taking me out for dinner at the most expensive place in town." Heart gave in, a disgusted look on her face.  
"Thanks, I owe you one for this." Matthews sighed from releif.  
"Yea yea, come on, I know a nice resturant that's two hundred bucks per person on average."   
"TWO HUNDRED BUCKS? Shit. This'll cost me." Matthews sighed, suddenly wondering if Heart helping him on this mission was worth the cost. Evidently it was, as Heart dragged him off to the resturant before he had time to thorougly think it over. The two arrived at the resturant, and said nothing except to order, until the food came. "How's that four hundred dollar steak your having, Heart?" Matthews asked super annoyed.  
"Oh it's great. It's kobe beef, imported from Japan. Great steak, lousy price. Since your buying, I'm treating myself. Any objections you'll pay. Do I make myself clear? Good. Now what do we do for this damn pageant mission?"  
"Tommarrow we go to meet Kathy Morningside. She'll help us get you into the pageant. You'll probably be the contestant from New Jersey, as we recently discovered she was in a film called 'Armagetiton.' Since that's against the rules, it's easilly a good way for you to get in. That's about it until we see Ms. Morningside tommarrow. Whenever you're finished with that steak, I'll escort you home." Matthews announced. Heart objected to him escorting her home, but he insisted. So he took her home. "So this is your place, eh Heart? Mind if I come in and take a look around?"   
"Sure, whatever, I don't care. Make it brief, and don't disturb me. I'm going to go in there, and zonk out." Heart said, opening the door, throwing her stuff on the floor as she walked in, tripping over various things on floor, before finally reaching her bed, which she flopped onto and was asleep in seconds.  
'Heart never told me how long a quick look would be. I'll just clear off a chair and make sure she doesn't get scared in the night, it's the least I can do for her since she's doing something she really doesn't like for me.' Matthews decided, clearing off a chair and moving it to the same room as Heart's bed and sitting down, watching her sleep. 'Heart looks like a pretty Angel when she asleep. Too bad she doesn't act like one.' Matthews thought. He didn't know how long it was, but he was brought back to conscienceness when he heard a female voice screaming.  
"AHHH! Mathhews?!?!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?" Heart screamed when she woke up and found Matthews sitting there.  
"I was worried about you, so I stayed here to make sure you'd be okay if you got really scared at night."  
"Oh, good thing you are here, cause I did get scared, you ass. Just what I always wanted. To wake up to find a man watching me. Just like in those old horror movies. What time is it?" Heart spewwed out all at once. Matthews looked at his watch.  
"4:30 in the morning. We meet Morningside at 10."  
"It wouldn't like right for a guy to leave my house so late at night. I guess your stuck here till morning. You really want to get that suit your wearing all wrinkled?"  
"Not really. Something tells me you just want to see me naked, though." Matthews grinned.   
"Oh please. I've already seen what's down there. No biggy to me if I see it again." Heart yawned, getting up and taking off her suit, leaving on only the bra and panties. "Think your mouth could drop any lower, Matthews?"  
"Um, no." Was all he could say before he got up and carefully took off his suit, folding everything up nicely, so it wouldn't wrinkle. He was left only in his black boxers. "Where am I supposed to sleep?"  
"My bed's big enough for the both of us. Try anything on me, and my elbow will meet the nice solarplexus." Heart said, climbing into bed. "You coming?"  
"Um, yeah." Matthews was cleary at a loss of words at Heart suggesting he slept next to her. It was truly going to be a test of his self control. He climbed in next to Heart and tried to sleep, but he heard Heart singing a little song which evidently she wanted him to hear.  
"You think I'm gorgeus, you want to hug me, you want to hold me, you want to kiss me, you want to love me, you want to make out with me, you want to..." Heart sang, snort laughing in the process.  
"If I said I want to do all that, will you be quiet and let me sleep?" Matthews said, turning to look at Heart, and stared in awe. Heart hadn't pulled the covers up over her chest, and from his point of view, he had a very clear view of Heart's breasts.   
"HA! I knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it! So when you gunna kiss me?" Heart giggled insanely. Matthews just muttered to himself.  
'So she wants me to kiss her. Can't dissapoint her.' Matthews thought to himself, before he leaned over and started kissing her. Heart was taken by surprise, by didn't object to the muscular, dark haired man from kissing her. She even shocked him by kissing him back. The two kissed for awhile, then stopped. "That was fun, Heart. Up for more?"  
"Sure!" Heart giggled, and grabbed Matthews and started kissing him some more. "You know, Eric. You're a little over dressed right now. So am I." Heart said, before pulling off her clothes, and helped him take off his. The two made love till it was time to get ready to go to meet Ms. Morningside. "Matthews, what just happened... It was because of a lack of sleep. It won't happen again." Heart said, getting ready to go.  
"You sure of that, Heart? I mean, you seemed wide awake to me." Matthews objected, who had just finished getting ready to go.  
"Unless you want to be my next punching dummy, shut up. Now let's go." Heart said, kicking Matthews out the door. The two drove to the office of Ms. Kathy Morningside. They arrived at the office to meet her.  
"Thank you for seeing us, Ms. Morningside. I'm Eric Matthews, we spoke on the phone, and this is my partner, Gracy Heart."  
"Nice to meet you. Now what is it you wanted to talk about?" Ms. Morningside asked.  
"We want to put one of our agents in the pageant." Matthews answered.  
"You want her to win?" Morningside responded.  
"No, but we will need your help in making sure she makes top five. We need her to have access to all areas at all times." Matthews shot back.  
"Absolutely not. I won't here of it!" yelled Morningside.  
"Relax. We just want to protect the girls of this beauty pageant." Heart spoke up.  
"Beauty Pageant? First of all, this is not a beauty pageant. This is a scholorship program. And second of all, I would rather cancel the pageant than have one of my girls injured. But, what state will she be from? All the states have their winners." Morningside asked.   
"We discovered that the winner from New Jersey starred in an erotic film. I beleive, according to pageant rules, that that disqualifies her." Matthews answered.  
"Do you have any ideas as to who will be the undercover agent?" inquired Morningside. Heart raised her hand. Morningside burst out laughing. "Oh,you're not joking. Sorry."  
"What? I can do this. It's just an undercover job."  
"Let me get you Victor Melling's number. Frank. He's a pageant consultant. Frank! He's the best. FRANK!" A big burly, sloppy looking guy walks in. "This is my assistant, Frank Tobin. Could you get me a bottle of water, and get these people Victor Melling's number... and for goodness sake, tuck in your shirt."  
"Okay. That was water and...?" Frank responded.  
"Victor. Melling's. Number." Morningside answered.  
"Oh right." a dumbfounded Frank said walking out of the room.   
"He's an assistant?" Matthews blurted out nonchalantly.  
"He's not the best, but he gets the job done. Unfortuneatly." Morningside muttered. Frank walked back in with the number and the water. "Well, that's all I can do for you at this time. Later on I'll help you get Miss Heart into the top five. But until then, Victor is one of the best. Well goodday. I'm sure I'll be seeing you again. Until then, bye." Morningside said, showing them out.  
"She doesn't like me that much. Either that, or she thinks I can't make a good beauty queen." Heart muttered after they had left the building.  
"Well, she's just jealous that you look better than she does." Matthews tried to cheer his partner up. Heart turned to look at him.  
"Matthews... Eric. I don't like you in that way. We had sex. It was just sex. Nothing more. If you think it was, sorry. I shouldn't have let you stay the night. Let's just go meet this Victor creep." Heart said, getting into the car, not giving Matthews enough time to respond. 


End file.
